Ep. 011: Five Questions with Lydia

Nick: Welcome to Change Your Reality. I'm your host, Nick Breau. Today we are doing a segment called Five Questions where we invite one of our audience members in to have a Q and A style conversation based on some questions they have prepared. Today we are talking to the wonderful Lydia. How are you doing today, Lydia?

Lydia: I'm doing great. Thank you. How are you?

Nick: I'm excellent as always. Lydia is joining us, I believe, from the Netherlands.

Lydia: That's correct, from Europe, from the Netherlands.

Nick: Awesome. We have a beautiful community of Danish and Dutch folk in the Collective. You guys are such a powerhouse. Even Abraham Hicks is going to the Netherlands again. So I don't know what you guys have going on vibrationally there, but you guys are definitely doing something right.

Lydia: So funny. Actually, I'm German. I only live in the Netherlands partly. Yeah. But there's a big group of people interested in that stuff.

Nick: Yeah. It's awesome. How long have you been studying personal development and self-help and this stuff for?

Lydia: Probably about 18 years now. I started in my twenties. So yeah. And it's interesting how it changes, like when I started with Abraham Hicks, it was a very different understanding than what I have now. So there is definitely maturity coming into it, especially with your teachings around it.

Nick: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's almost two pools of teachers. There's teachers that are the very spiritual, which are very... Theoretical is not quite the right word. And then there's teachers who are very much more practical and focused on, okay, this idea of timelessness and this idea of being in the now. People understand what that means, but when it comes to really living it and applying it's a very different story.

Lydia: Yeah, exactly. Exactly that.

Nick: You've got a good little set of questions lined up for us today?

Lydia: Yeah. I managed to get five questions, so let's see how far we get. And they are intertwined a little bit, but I still made them into separate questions.

Nick: Awesome. Let's play and have some fun. Which one do you want to start with?

Lydia: I will just start actually with the second one. Shall I just go?

Nick: Yeah, just go.

Lydia: Okay.

Nick: Let's see where this takes us.

Lydia: I have seen, in the world, but also in my life, that there is, probably after COVID, there is much more exhaustion and fatigue going on. For example, I, right now, I really reduced the amount of time that I work. I don't take on new clients. Basically I don't do anything anymore, but I still have a high level of fatigue going on, and I just would love your ideas around that. Is it something that I need to perhaps also look more? Because I had a burnout before.
And then, I also, for example, supplemented on physical level, but what is this? Is it the theme of COVID just going on or-

Nick: Yeah.

Lydia: I can't sleep more. I'm already basically just sleeping.

Nick: Yeah. It's interesting because there's this global theme of slowing down, which is really what COVID is all about. It's about catching your breath. It's about locking us down, slowing down. I think that the spiritual reason behind that is that people... And what we all want is expansion and the raising of the vibration of the planet. Well, in order to raise our vibrations, we need to work through the things that we're carrying that are keeping us at a lower density, which is dominantly negative emotion.
So the theme, in my interpretation of COVID, and I've said this before, is to get us to slow down. And by slowing down, it gives an opportunity for these things to come up that need to be dealt with, for us to work through them to raise our vibration. Now at a time where it feels like we're almost coming out of the COVID, and the lockdowns, and now there's other things going on in the planet that feel chaotic.
Now, if we talk about fatigue really specifically, Abraham Hicks has said something very interesting, which is, if you had no resistance, you would have no need for sleep. So in other words, fatigue being a byproduct of the resistance that we practice. In my experience that resistance that causes the fatigue comes from one of two places, one, the dominant negative emotions, the efforting, the pushing, the striving, the go, go, go.
And number two is living without having our cup full. When I talk about number two, it's more or less looking at, what am I doing that's emptying my cup? Where are those energy leaks that I'm giving my power and my energy away to, that is depleting my reserves, that are causing me to dominantly remain in this state of fatigue? Does that make sense?

Lydia: Okay. Yeah. That makes sense.

Nick: Yeah. When somebody comes to me saying, "Nick, I'm tired all the time, what do I do?" For somebody who's new to my work and new to this work, I say, "Okay, we'll start with an attraction point audit, see where your dominant negative emotions are. What's that heavy feeling that's there all the time? And start by clearing that because when you carry around this heavy feeling of not good enough or overwhelm or stress or pressure, well, that's constantly depleting you and emptying your cup.
Now for somebody who's been doing this work for a while, like I know you have, it's more about saying, "Okay, of all of the things going on in my reality, what's the one thing that depletes me versus energizes me?" We actually talked about this in our last Collective live call, where we talked about following your path of highest excitement and auditing your reality and saying, "Okay, in all of the things in my reality, which deplete me most, and which excite me most, and which lift me up the most, and how can I do less of the things that deplete me and more of the things that energize me and lift me up?" Does that make sense?

Lydia: Yeah. Makes sense. Makes total sense. Yeah. Would you say it can also be almost like a residual tiredness and fatigue that comes especially when you give up some resistance around some topics?

Nick: Yeah.

Lydia: Because like right now, there is definitely... Like I have given up a lot of resistance, even against the being tired or something, and it's almost like, yeah, it still keeps wanting to be lived out or something.

Nick: Yeah. I think what that is is the fatigue is your body catching up. It reminds me back when I was in university, at the end of a really intense exam period of after studying for a couple of weeks nonstop, after that last exam, it's like I remember I would crash. I would be so tired for three days. I would often just catch a cold and I would spend almost an entire week sleeping.
I think what happens is, even once you let go of that resistance, your body's like, "Oh, finally, we can breathe. Finally, we can rest. Finally, we can allow our cup to fill back up." And I think the fatigue in those moments isn't due to the resistance that's been practiced. It's like, okay, you step out of the resistance. Now the body can say, "Finally, now it's my turn to rest and repair."
In my personal journey, I decided starting January that, last year was a very busy year, busier than I like it to be, especially the last few months of last year. So I decided, January right up until April, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to rest. I'm going to take as much focus as I can off my business and hand everything off.
And in doing that, especially I would say for the month of February, after two to three weeks of committing to that, I really started sleeping so much deeper and so much heavier. I can tell that there's still some fatigue, but I also am feeling more energized in those moments where I'm not resting or sleeping.

Lydia: Okay. I still have to get there, but good inaudible-

Nick: Yeah. And then I think it's a matter-

Lydia: ... the other points are good.

Nick: Yeah. Again, it's honoring it. I feel like reality goes through ebbs and flows. And at this point in our reality, it doesn't feel like it's an action time. It doesn't feel like it's a go time for most people. It really feels like it's a time to slow down, a time to rest, a time to be internal, and almost a time to refuel our tanks back up and be ready for that next momentum hit that might be coming, I don't know, maybe in the spring or in the summer.

Lydia: Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. Let me switch this into the next one, especially because you said like, hey, what's going on? What are the exciting things? I remember that call. I re-listened to that one, like, what are the... Not always the 10, like the 10 out of 10 exciting things, if you don't have them, but just a little bit more exciting than in general, and focusing on that.
I'm definitely doing that. What comes to my mind, it's a little bit connected with the fatigue, that sometimes I almost have all these things that excite me to do, and there is this, "Oh my goodness. I'm just too tired to go out and meet all these people," because it's also almost draining me a little bit, like being more of an introvert.
I don't know if it's then split energy or if it then is still the body wanting rest. There are these exciting things, but it's like, "Ugh," at the same time, it's tiring.

Nick: Yeah. My guess is the fatigue is some type of resistance. Let me fill everybody in on this idea of excitement. Bashar teaches this formula of highest excitement. Basically, what he says is, in any given moment that you're in, the action step that you should take is the one that's most exciting based on everything that's available to you.
Now, I like to reword that a little differently. I find the word excitement is a little bit strong. The way I do it is I feel out all of my impulses. So of all of my impulses, of all of the things that I can do right now, which impulse feels the best? And sometimes the best feeling thing is to just go take a nap. Sometimes it's maybe to read a book. Sometimes it's to go hang out with some friends.
So if you're in that place of alignment and you're getting that impulse, and that impulse doesn't feel good if it creates the fatigue and the resistance and the fear, then it's about exploring, okay, so this impulse, is this impulse really coming from my inner being or is it coming from my inner critic?
If it's really coming from my inner being, then it's about saying, "Okay, so if my inner being and I'm in this place of alignment and this impulse feels good, but then there's resistance to that and there's fatigue to that, then what's the fear, the perspective that I'm practicing?" Oftentimes, it's either a fear or an expectation of a negative outcome, which is then causing the fatigue.

Lydia: Okay. So it could be, for example, like just when you were speaking, I was thinking of, hey, yeah, I'm meeting lots of people. What kicks in for me is I'm not energized by meeting lots of people because of probably an underlying perspective of, I have to show up a certain way, or I have to be there for them in a certain way. And then it's, of course, tiring because it's not, "Hey, let's just enjoy and see what happens."

Nick: Exactly. So if you take a second in your mind, so let's say there's an event tonight that you had in mind and you think about that event and it causes that tiring feeling, right? If you were to take that event and remold it in your mind in a way where you knew that that event was going to be the funnest, most exciting, most uplifting event that you've ever been to, it's going to be an absolute blast, that tiring feeling that you had originally, does it feel like it's not as present or a little bit different?

Lydia: Yeah. It's not as present, definitely.

Nick: Right. And that's a sign that fatigue feeling is being caused by negative perceptions related to fear or worry on how that outcome is going to occur. A lot of people develop habits, and I would say most people even develop this habitual way of thinking where it's never about expecting best case scenario, it's always about expecting worst case scenario.
So especially people who grew up with parents who are maybe anxious or worrisome and always saying, "Oh, be careful for this. Be careful for this. Be careful for this." Then we grow up with this habit of perspective where we expect the negative versus the positive. And of course from a law of attraction standpoint, we know that that's obviously a habit we want to shift. We're always expecting best case scenarios.
One exercise you can do to improve that is what Abraham Hicks teaches, which is segment intending. If you know that you've got a segment tonight, then taking a few seconds and breathing, and in those 15, 20 seconds, visualizing and picturing this event playing out in the most perfect way possible and then expecting it to play out in a similar way.

Lydia: What would you say how to get up the expectation piece, if the expectation is low?

Nick: Yeah. So if the expectation is low, you could ask yourself that low expectation. What's that feeling? What's that belief that's creating this low expectation? Is it the belief that things never work out for me? Again, it's exploring the perspectives that you're practicing.

Lydia: Okay. It would rather be around other people. It makes sense. Then it would be like, I can expect that from me, but to expect a different person to show up very differently than they usually show up, it's like, "Ah, okay, can't bring myself fully there." So basically.

Nick: Yeah. To me it sounds like there's expectations that other people drain me or other people exhaust me. And it's never about the circumstance, but it's about our perspective of the circumstance. If you know that in that event, it's about a specific person that drains you, then it's about saying, "Okay, tonight when I go to this event, I'm going to stand in my power. I'm going to practice standing in my power and not allowing this person to drain me."
Then you can visualize that and say, "Okay, in my template reality, my ideal reality, that version of me who's not being bothered by this person, how are they feeling differently? What beliefs and perspectives are they choosing that are different, and what action steps are they choosing differently?" And then your goal is to go to that event as that version of you.
That's a process, again, that we've talked about in the Collective over the last few months. There's some people who've had extremely significant changes in their reality, even for health conditions, by just following that simple step of identifying that template reality and then simply choosing to be and hold the space of being and integrating that version of themselves.

Lydia: Yeah. I love that. Okay. Yeah, that helps a lot. And it ties nicely into my next question, as if we had planned this. The next one would be, do you think... And I still struggle a little bit with this thought. Can we really have it all, or are there things we will have to compromise on or let go of when it comes to desires and how we want our reality to be?

Nick: This is a good question. I love this question. It all depends on how you define have it all. There's the inner critic definition of having it all, which is typically from a physical vantage point. So having like a certain amount of money in your bank account and maybe three houses, five Porsches. And so, the inner critic's have it all, it's almost like it's this very specific physical reality picture of what having it all looks like.
Now, if we think of the inner being having it all, the having it all from the inner being standpoint is not about the physical things, but the emotional experience of it, the expansion, the growth, the evolution, the version of you that is experiencing that expansive reality that contains it all. So when you say, "Can you have it all?", my answer is yes, you can have it all.
Your inner critic might picture the ideal partner to be within a relationship, and your inner being has the ability to bring to you and to align with you a physical reality version that is as good or better than the physical reality version that your inner critic is creating.
What I think I'm really trying to say is the having it all, yes, it's possible, but you need to open your mind up to what the having it all looks like. So everything we want, we want those things because of how we believe you will feel in the having of those things. Well, as long as you're open to inner beings delivery of these things in the way the inner being sees the most fit, then the all is available to you. Does that make sense, or was that pretty confusing?

Lydia: No, it makes total sense. I think the follow-up question would then be about the practical... Like how to put it into practice, because then I have these desires. Like for me, a big desire is, and we spoke about this, having a family, having a loving relationship that I have. Money is at the moment going nicely. So there are things that are really nice and some things where it feels like, "Ah," but I can't have it basically. What would the practical steps be to that?

Nick: Yeah. I love this because it leads into my current favorite topic, which is what I call organic unfolding. What organic unfolding is, my definition, it's when you understand that your physical reality is a co-creation. It's a co-creation with source, your inner being, the nonphysical part of you, whatever you want to call it.
Organic unfolding is about understanding that that part of you doesn't only know what desires you have, it knows what the best possible version of all your desires are. Oh, and it also knows how to guide you to all of these things, which is what it's all trying to do for all of us. But what happens is if the physical me grabs that steering wheel, it says, "This is what the desire looks like, and I'm going to try to drive my steering wheel so I can get to that desire there."
But the way reality is really unfolding is inner being knows the best possible version of that desire. It knows the path of least resistance to getting you there, which you're already on. So in order to get there, it's not about you trying to figure it out and drive your way there. It's about completely letting go of that steering wheel. It's about letting your inner being take that steering wheel.
It's about understanding that, I am fully allowing of source to completely take control of my reality. I'm going to allow my reality to completely unfold in an organic way, knowing that source in my inner being is always guiding me to my highest desires and my highest possible unfolding. Does that make sense?

Lydia: Makes total sense and letting source take control of my reality basically is through following my highest excitement on a daily basis, not on a monthly or a yearly basis, but really, hey, today.

Nick: I would say in a minute to minute basis, because the path from here to the desire, it's not a physical path, it's not the inner being guiding you to a coffee shop and then a bookstore and then to go talk to somebody and then a certain course. It's a vibrational path, because if you understand law of attraction, you understand that in order to experience this, I need to be a vibrational match to this.
So the inner being says, "Okay, how do we get Lydia to be a vibrational match to this experience?" Well, in order to experience this, she needs to really know how worthy she is. And if she's practicing some unworthiness, then source is going to orchestrate some circumstances to bring that unworthiness to the surface, so it could be looked at and dealt with. And then once you shift out of that unworthiness, now you're starting to close that gap.
So it's really important for people to understand that forward progress always happens first and foremost at a vibrational level. And that path is vibrational. You don't have to effort your way to things. You don't have to figure it all out. Source is already taking care of that. Our only job is to kick back, relax, bask in our desires and follow those impulses of excitement, knowing that source is always guiding us to our desires in the best possible place or best possible things for us to experience for our expansion.

Lydia: Yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. Looking forward to the recording here so that I can be able to do that.

Nick: Yeah. And think about how much relief that brings when you understand that, okay, my reality is all taken care of. I can just give that steering wheel over to source. I can just relax and understand that source has everything figured out. It's got me on my path of least resistance. It's already guiding me to all of my desires. My only job is to be present in my physical reality, look at the circumstances that are occurring, and evolve from those circumstances, because those circumstances are always trying to show me what I need to learn about me.
And as I learn what I'm meant to learn through my circumstances and my reality dominantly, the contrast my I evolve, my vibration evolves, and then my reality, of course, evolves to match what I'm now experiencing internally.

Lydia: Yep. Perfect answer. Thank you.

Nick: Awesome. Great topic.

Lydia: Let me see my questions. Yeah. It's just probably also a follow-up thing about this, to let everything in. If we feel like it's not possible, like we can't... You spoke about most of it, just the tiny piece to it. What do you think are the dominant negative beliefs that we practice? Is it something around worthiness?
No, I have an example. Usually I have several areas in my life, and then one area gets really, really much better, and then I feel another area goes down a little bit. It's almost like I can't let it get too good. What are the predominant beliefs that we practice? What do you-

Nick: I think the belief itself there is, I can't let it get too good.

Lydia: That's stupid.

Nick: Well, I mean, it can be stupid to a part of us, but to a part of us, we might buy into that. For example, one of the most powerful beliefs somebody can have is my contrast always serves me. When contrast shows up for people, some people look at that contrast and they go, "Oh, not again. Oh, I screwed up. Oh, I'm such a victim. Oh, this is awful." Well, the end result of that contrast isn't going to be anything productive.
On the flip side of that coin, when contrast shows up and you're like, "Ooh, wow, contrast. What can I learn from this? How can I grow from this? What is this trying to show me about me?" And practicing the belief of, I always benefit from my contrast, then you always will. So, for you, if you've got a belief of every time one thing gets good, something else goes wrong, then again, that's a perspective. That's an intent you're setting in your reality. And of course, love attraction's going to start reflecting that back to you. Does that make sense?

Lydia: Makes sense. So it would be to shift into, "My contrast always serves me," and somehow I can let it get better every day. Get away from, "I can't let it get too good," into something more-

Nick: Yeah. Let me ask you this. Can you feel a feeling of, it's not safe for things to get too good?

Lydia: Yeah. I think it's around that. Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. And if you ask yourself, that unsafe feeling, "I feel that way because..." Does anything come to mind?

Lydia: I think it's still a little bit left off, if it gets too good, it's going to crash down even more. Then I'm caught off guard.

Nick: Exactly. That fear of being caught off guard, that's actually quite a common fear that a lot of people are practicing as well. Oftentimes, it comes from relationships or other types of traumas. What happens is, when you've got this implanted fear of being caught off guard, it's like there's this constant expectation of the other shoe is going to drop. "I always have to be on guard. I always have to be at attention."
And oftentimes, the byproduct of that is stomach issues like IBS or digestive issues or adrenal fatigue so you're tired all the time, so that when you go to bed at night, you don't go to those deep rest and repair mode because you've got that anxious feeling going on all the time, even if you're not aware of it.

Lydia: Yeah. Makes sense. So then, to find and reframe this, yeah, I don't have to fear anymore to be caught off guard or something.

Nick: Absolutely.

Lydia: Okay, perfect. The last question I have, it's actually an old one. One part is old, one part is new. For quite a long time, I had clients who didn't pay on time. I had really lots of crazy amounts of payment struggles from clients, that was really also bad for me. This is much like I don't have that anymore. My clients now are amazing, how they pay.
But what I see now is I have... I'm a little bit in, yeah, where I share amazing opportunities with people, like financial opportunities. And I have this in a different way that people are really anxious or, "I don't want to get involved. This could be something not working." What is going on in the vibration when we create something like this? Like either clients who don't pay properly, or yeah, people who are not able to take a tiny little bit of risk and are all very slow in jumping on board and being excited?

Nick: Yeah. The answer there is going to be a little bit different for everyone. To give you an example, for me, at one point in my journey, I realized that I had too many holes in my energetic cup because I was trying to help too many people, and tend to too many people, and feeling responsible for too many people. So this strong feeling of responsibility was causing me to attract clients who were relying on me too much, and zapping my energy too much, and being too needy with me.
So once I recognized that for myself and I decided, "Nope, I'm not going to put up with that anymore. Energetically, that's not good for me. I'm going to fill out my cup," then I pinched off those holes. And those people stopped showing up as clients. Then, from then on, the new people who were showing up as clients weren't needy in that same way.
So, for you, it's about looking at those clients and asking yourself, "These types of clients that don't serve me, what are they reflecting back to me that I'm practicing? How do they make me feel? What's the dynamic there and the perspective that I'm practicing, that makes me a vibrational match to that experience?"
If you ask that question, "These types of clients or these types of connections, they make me feel..." Does anything come to mind for you?

Lydia: Yeah. I think there it's a little bit what you mentioned, like being annoyed, like, "Hey, just get your shit together. Just get going. I don't want to be your mother. Step into your power and try out things by yourself. I don't need to hold your hands all the way down the road."

Nick: Yeah. What perspective could you be practicing about those types of clients that would be different, that your template reality self would be practicing in the clients that they're manifesting? Do you see the difference? Those are the current clients. Then there's the desired clients. What is the perspective difference between those two types of clients? Does something come to mind?

Lydia: Yeah. Then it would probably really be, these people are self-sufficient. In opposite template reality, self-sufficient people, people who take a risk, people who take responsibility for their risks, so it's not put on me. It's really them showing up, stepping into leadership. Yeah. These kind of things. Perfect.

Nick: What I would do as an exercise is, sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and look at maybe your last dozen or so clients. And those positive aspects that you just mentioned, see if you can find some of those positive aspects in some of those clients and write them down. Make a list about them and see if you can start practicing tuning into those positive perspectives, rather than negative perspectives.
It's really interesting, and I want to use relationships as an example. As humans, we have more of a tendency to focus on the negative aspects than the positive aspects. I've got such a good example. I had a client come in, and this was a relationship client. They would come in a week after their last session. And they came in, they said, "Oh, I've been on, on four dates this week." I'd be like, "Awesome, tell me about those four dates."
They would say, "Well, this person, I didn't like this, that, and the other thing. Now person number two, they did this, they did that." So they would come in with a list of the things they didn't like about those people they went on dates on. I said, "Okay. So you're telling me that you're focusing on all the negative aspects of the people you dated this week. Yep? So what do you think, by giving these things focus, what do you think you're going to manifest more of in the next people that you go on dates with?"
And then the light bulb went off. So after every client, after every date, whatever the circumstances, make a list of the positive attributes. Even if it didn't go your way, even though it wasn't the right person, you can still find some things to appreciate about that person. And the more you start to do that, the more you're going to start to develop that habit of focusing on the positive aspects versus the negative. And then you're going to start experiencing more of those positive aspects into your reality.

Lydia: Yeah. Yeah. I always said this, like clients are so similar to relationship, to partners. There are so many similarities. It's very funny. Yeah. Okay.

Nick: Absolutely.

Lydia: I'll do that. Cool.

Nick: Absolutely.

Lydia: You answered all my questions. Thank you.

Nick: Awesome. That was easy.

Lydia: Yeah.

Nick: Anything else before we wrap up, that you'd like to share or any other questions you'd like to ask? If not, we'll wrap things up.

Lydia: No, I really think what you said about template reality and also there's... Perhaps there is a tiny question left, this letting go of the steering wheel, letting source take over. It's the opposite of what we learn. Do you have any recommendation on the path to getting there? Is it just a daily practice?

Nick: I mean, life experience is the best teacher. When I look back at all of my biggest manifestations, it wasn't my efforting that led to the fruition of those manifestations. One example is my partner Anik. My name is Nick, her name is Anik, so we both share very similar names. When we met, we were both driving the same type of car. We both do the same type of spiritual work.
A few months after we started dating, we realized that we had both left our marriages on the same day before we had ever met. So her and I have this extremely amazing connection, amazing relationship. If I knew she existed before we had ever met, before I'd ever found her, I never would've gone looking for her in the same town that I live in. Me efforting my way, trying to find my way to her would have been impossible.
So really, the only way or reason that she was able to enter my reality is because it was divinely orchestrated by source. And if source can divinely orchestrate something like that for me, then it can divinely orchestrate anything for me, whether it be money, or health, or finding some new neighbors that are friends, literally anything. And of course, if it can do it for me, it's going to be doing it for everybody else on the planet.
The more you relax into that and even give yourself a vacation for three weeks, five weeks, of trying to strive, and trying to control, and trying to effort, just take a bit of time and relax into just allowing this, relax into feeling good, relax into being open to whatever wants to unfold and see what happens. The more you start to do that, and the more you start to see how things really are working out for you, the more you begin to trust, the more you get to relax, and the more of it you get to experience.
So it really builds momentum in a magical way. But absolutely, it's a hard thing to first step into because we are brought up in this society that is so taught to strive, and effort, and set your goals, and work towards your goals, and don't stop. And very controlling behavior comes from that. People who have lower back issues, that's a sign that there's a lot of energy and vibration of control going on. So relaxing even more is going to benefit those people quite a bit.

Lydia: Perfect. Thank you so much. That was extremely helpful.

Nick: Great conversation. Thanks for playing with me. That concludes today's episode of Change Your Reality. If you'd like to apply to be on the show or join our membership program, you can find all the details on the website at nickbreau.com. Bye for now.