Ep. 010: Five Questions with Courtney
This is not like most podcasts. Few allow you to sit in on an enlightened conversation with a Master Teacher, and gain the learnings; even have your own breakthroughs…or even be on the show yourself!
In this episode of Five Questions, we talk to Courtney in Florida touching on the topics of relationship insecurities, feeling disposable, following inner guidance and confidence.
Key Points From the Interview:
- Courtney begins this episode asking for clarity on differentiating between fear and inner guidance.
- Nick helps Courtney work through some of her long standing relationship insecurities.
- Nick talks about how the fears we carry are often rooted in underlying negative emotions which anchor those fears in place.
- Courtney and Nick discuss confidence both in the context of relationships and business success, and what it takes to live a confident life.
Value Bombs in this Episode
- Your inner being would never communicate to you through fear.
- Our inner beings see all circumstances as positive because they are co-created for our upleveling.
- Expansion happens outside of our comfort zone.
- Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in a relationship will draw them closer when we’re a vibrational match to that person.
- A negative fear or emotion only keeps resurfacing because a perspective we practice is continuing to anchor it in place.
- Attraction isn’t about who you are, attraction is about vibrational compatibility.
- Most people aren’t aware of how negative emotions hold us back and it’s that fears are often anchored by the negative emotions we carry.
- The need to be perfect is rooted in the underlying feelings of not good enough and insecurity.
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0:50 – Nick welcomes Courtney to the show.
1:15 – Courtney shares her background, that she’s been studying personal development for over 20 years and law of attraction for about six or seven years.
2:55 – Courtney asks her first question – How can you tell the difference between intuition created by your inner being and fear.
3:25 – Nick talks about how our inner beings would never communicate to us through fear.
4:40 – Nick talks about how the energy of excitement and the energy of anxiety are the same energy filtered differently through our belief system.
5:40 – Nick talks about how our inner beings will guide us to circumstances that we feel scary or uncomfortable.
6:15 – Courtney asks about working through relationship insecurities.
6:50 – Nick talks about the two important things to look at in the context of manifesting a happy and healthy relationship.
9:15 – Courtney talks about her fear of commitment and that it’s rooted in a feeling of being disposable.
9:40 – Nick talks about how fears and emotions are just programing, that they aren’t you and that all fears and emotions can be changed.
10:00 – Nick offers some clearing work to help Courtney overcome her insecurities.
10:30 – Nick and Coutney begin to do some Belief Tree work on courney’s unsafe feeling.
12:15 – Courntey recognizes a fear that being too loving can push someone away.
17:30 – Courtney fears has dropped from a ten down to a four.
18:40 – Courtney asks why is it that sometimes she feels like she’s cleared an emotion yet it keeps coming back.
19:00 – Nick explains how emotions work and that they only return when we haven’t fully delt with the underlying root cause.
21:50 – Nick talks about how he’s seen clients clear life long anxiety in under sixty minutes just by identifying and clearing the one core belief anchoring it in place.
22:30 – Nick helps Courtney work through the feeling that she’s disposable.
27:55 – Nick explores the feeling of doubt with Courtney that the perfect relationship isn’t available for her.
30:00 – Nick identifies the root emotions behind Courtney’s insecurities which is the hurt feeling she’s afraid to experience again.
32:30 – Nick explains how people aren’t aware of how negative emotions hold us back through fear, because the fears are anchored in these negative emotions.
33:45 – Courtney asks how to be more confident when pursuing your dreams.
34:00 – Nick explains how the lack of confidence in her business goes back to the same lack of confidence that is likely relating to her relationship lack of confidence.
37:10 – Courney asks how she can learn to trust the flow of divine timing.
38:00 – Nick talks about how when you aren’t allowing yourself to fail you aren’t allowing yourself to succeed.
38:40 – Nick talks about the belief that things need to be perfect.
Nick: Welcome to Change Your Reality. I'm your host, Nick Breau, and today we are doing a segment called five questions where we bring in one of our audience members for a Q&A style conversation based on some questions that they have prepared. Today, we are having some fun and playing with Courtney. How you doing Courtney?
Courtney: Hey Nick. I'm doing well. Thanks for having me.
Nick: Good. And you somewheres on the East Coast of the US?
Courtney: Yes, I'm in Florida.
Nick: Oh, nice. I was going to say still nice and winderey for you too, but you're far enough south that you don't have all the winter that we have up here.
Courtney: Right. Yeah. It's been in the eighties now.
Nick: Lucky you, I am very envious. So how long have you been studying personal development and love attraction, all of this fun stuff for?
Courtney: I've been studying personal development for probably over 20 years, law of attraction specifically, maybe about six or seven years. I grew up in a traditional Christian household, but just something about it felt very disempowering and never quite sat right. So then I stumbled on the internet and learned about law of attraction and just the idea of how we have so much more influence over our reality than we think, and been following you for about three or four years and love your work, just love how you've taken the concept and just added so much to it.
Nick: Awesome. Awesome. So did you follow the traditional path that most people follow where it's like they start off with The Secret and then they move on to something else and something else. Do you remember how you got thrown into this world?
Courtney: Yeah, I did, I watched The Secret a long time ago, but that wasn't really the start of it. I think I watched it, I thought it sounded interesting. And then I forgot about it. I had actually stumbled on to, there was some law of attraction, like a blog, and just, I started following that and then eventually did some self-study, just researching different articles, different websites, trying to apply it in my life. I think you were one of actually the first coaches when I joined the power manifesting collective, and you were one of the first people I started more working with and following in more of a back and forth style.
Nick: Awesome. Super fun. So you got some good questions lined up today?
Courtney: I do. So the first question, and it's something that I reflect on a lot and keep going back and forth and just trying to find the answer in my head is how to tell when you feel a guidance, or you feel, if something's bothering you, how do you know if it's your inner being giving you a warning sign, something's not right about this, or is it just fear that it's the next great thing and you should follow it and push through the fear? So, I have had anxiety my whole life. So I get that clenched, that contracted feeling and I don't always trust it. So I'm just like, fear versus intuition.
Nick: Yeah. Yeah. So I don't think our inner beings would ever communicate to us through fear. So I think our inner guidance, mainly what we're talking about, intuition inner guidance, source guidance, is always driven through impulses of excitement and direction that is what is aligned with us and with our path. Now source, or inner beings, sees all circumstances as positive, because even if it's a circumstance that we don't want, even if it's contrasting, that circumstance is still there for our growth, for our expansion, for our up levelment, which again is what we need to go further down our path. So I don't think our intuition ever communicates through fear. I think it's more about communicating through what I would call maybe positive nudges, or feel good nudges. Does that make sense?
Courtney: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I have felt that, and I do experience that at times.
Nick: Yeah. And a lot of times anxiety, so there's few teachers who say that the energy of excitement and the energy of anxiety is actually the same energy just filtered differently through our belief system. So when the circumstance feels exciting, it's because we are associating a positive outcome from that circumstance. And if that same circumstance triggers anxiety, it's because we're filtering that same circumstance to a belief system of fear.
So when anxiety comes in and kicks in, one of the things that you could do is sit with that anxious feeling and then really tune in and see, okay, so is this feeling that I'm receiving, is it really anxiety? Is it fear, or is it excitement that is being masked by fear through some belief that I'm practicing that something isn't safe? And our inner beings actually will guide us to circumstances that might be scary, or might be uncomfortable, because our inner being wants us to grow, it wants us to expand. And expansion only happens outside of our comfort zone. So when it's guiding us, it might purposefully be guiding us to things that might be slightly scary, or uncomfortable, because that's where we need to go for our growth. Does that make sense?
Courtney: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I guess, so then how do we know, I guess an example would be, so in a relationship, I'm actually in a very amazing, wonderful, healthy relationship with the person where we're talking about marriage. He's just like, it's the best relationship I've ever had. So we're almost at the one year mark and I've noticed this insecurity coming up in me and it's just been causing a very contracted feeling. And I'm such a transparent person. How do I not bring that into the relationship or make this other person responsible? So, I'm really struggling with that.
Nick: And I love, I love that question, because this is such a common question. So when people come to me looking for help in relationships, and there was a lot of that when I did the one-on-one work, there's two main things you need to look at. One is the emotions you're carrying, which impact your attraction point and defines the types of relationships you're attracting. So if you've got a lot of emotions of abandonment, you'll attract partners who might ghost you, or who might be emotionally closed up, if you've got a lot of emotions of not good enoughness, you might attract partners who treat you poorly. So that's one thing to look at. Now, the other thing, and this is what relates more to you, is what I call split energy.
And split energy is essentially fear that something is unsafe. So the example that I use is, and this is a real life example, is let's say in high school, you are in a relationship, you're in grade 12, you're madly in love with that person. You've got it in your mind that you're going to get married and have four kids, two boys, two girls, blah, blah, blah. And then you come into school one day and then you find out that person's been cheating on you. Well, that's an emotional trauma. So the subconscious mind says, oh, shit, look what happens when you get into a relationship? Look what happens when you fall in love, falling in love is not safe because of this trauma. And then what happens from that point onwards is there's a subconscious program running that says relationships aren't safe.
So to two to three months into maybe being with a new partner, when you start to fall in love with that person, the subconscious mind starts kicking that fear again and reminding you, Ooh, look what happened back then, this could happen to you again. And then often, that often turns into a self-sabotaging behavior. So for you, this fear of marriage, or fear of deeper commitment probably comes from some kind of past circumstance, or observing your parents. And you may not even know where it comes from, and that's okay. It's just a matter of looking at the fear and then invalidating that fear and to resolve it. Does that make sense?
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. And I know I have a lot of, divorced parents, I moved a lot when I was a kid. So lots of different, it was a pattern for me in my younger years. And so I know, I'm sure it came from that. I just don't know how do I not, I feel like for the first year, and it is interesting, this is coming up when we're talking for marriage, because for the first year it hasn't really been triggered. It's been, I guess, dormant with, the vibration's probably been there, but just on a shelf somewhere.
Courtney: And now that we're talking about this commitment, it's just, there's this fear of, I've done some belief work and it's just this fear that I'm disposable. So I'm trying to work with this person and share about my insecurities in a way that's not putting in on them, but then it puts me into an unflattering light. And so then I walk away thinking, oh my gosh, they're going to break up with me because I just look, I'ma feel all neurotic now, basically. So I don't know-.
Courtney: ... how to pull it back.
Nick: So the good news is that emotions and fears, regardless of what that emotion or fear is, it's not you. It's just programming. And all programming can be changed. So if you want, we can play with it a little bit here and see if we can, I know we don't have a whole lot of time, but we can see if we can nudge it a little bit and loosen it up a little bit, if you want to.
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah.
Nick: So, do you feel that has a fear dominantly? This inaudible.
Courtney: Yeah. It's like this tightness in my chest. Just a fear that I was in an unflattering light. So I've been having my, in that first year you want to be attractive, so you put your best face on. So now I've shown this unflattering side to myself and oh my gosh, what is he going to think? And it's-.
Courtney: ... he's just going to leave me. He's going to leave me because I'm not perfect.
Nick: Perfect. So let's call it this unsafe feeling. So that unsafe feelings, zero to 10, how strong would you say it sets if you could really allow yourself to tune into it?
Courtney: I feel like right now it's a 10, because we just had a, last night we just had discussions about things. So it's still very fresh.
Nick: Good. Perfect timing then.
Nick: So that unsafe feeling, without getting in your head about it, without analyzing it, without trying to figure it out, if you just relax and drop into your body and you say that unsafe feeling, I feel that way because, what's the first thing that comes to mind?
Courtney: Because my boyfriend might leave me.
Nick: He might leave me. Zero to 10, how strong is that feeling?
Courtney: A nine.
Nick: Nine. And that feeling, he might leave me. I feel that way because?
Courtney: Because I've been coming across as needy lately.
Nick: I've been needy. Perfect. And do you think that there's different spectrums of neediness?
Courtney: Yes I do.
Nick: So, some people are just a little bit needy, some people are extremely needy.
Nick: And do you think if somebody is unconditionally loving towards somebody else that, that level of neediness is irrelevant in the way that they feel about that person?
Courtney: That's interesting, because when you say that, I even almost have a fear that when I'm unconditionally loving, the love will be so much, it will push the person away, even when I'm not feeling needy. I don't know. I feel like I have so much love to give. Sometimes I feel like that's actually overwhelming.
Nick: Yeah. And I feel that way because? So how does love push somebody away?
Courtney: Oh, just, it's too big of a force.
Nick: Yeah. And so would you say that, that relates to that person's level of receptivity of love?
Courtney: I guess it would. Yeah. And I've never felt that from this person, they've always been very receptive. So, I'm sure it's in the past, I have a history of toxic relationships and-.
Nick: Yeah. And if you're-.
Courtney: ... I've given up myself and it's felt like putting my love in a black hole and it's felt, it's all stuff from the past, this person's been amazing.
Nick: Yeah, absolutely. So can you acknowledge that the relationship you are in now is very different than the relationships you've been in, in the past?
Courtney: Yes. Definitely.
Nick: And can you see vibrationally, are you the same person today that you were in those past relationships?
Courtney: No, not at all. I used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, and just living the life. I've been sober for 13 years, I'm working professional. So, I've done a complete, I'm actually a counselor now that works with people.
Courtney: So, no, not this person.
Nick: And that person that you just described, the person who's a counselor now, who's overcome all of these traumas, who's in this beautiful relationship. Does that sound like somebody who is vibrationally lined up with a partner who would leave them because they love them too much?
Courtney: No. No.
Nick: Perfect. So can you take a second, acknowledge that this belief that the more I love this person, the greater the chances of them leaving me are, it doesn't make sense?
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't make sense.
Nick: Good. So can you take a second just integrate that awareness that, that belief doesn't make sense.
Courtney: Yeah. It doesn't feel true when I think about it like that, nobody would leave you for too much love.
Nick: Perfect. And you said, I'm afraid that he might leave me because I'm too needy.
Courtney: Yeah. I feel like lately, yeah, there's been a needy vibe. I've been insecure about some things, but logically I know were not a concern, but I've just been feeling needy lately.
Nick: And if he truly loves you, do you think he would support you through the neediness and the contrast that you're going through?
Courtney: I think so. And he has been, I've never had anybody receive my feelings and concerns. Stuff that I've been worried about has been not grounded in reality at all. And hasn't made me feel stupid at all. He's been open and still cares about my feelings. So he's been wonderful, but then I still come away with it with this bad taste in my mouth that my vibe is going to push him away, I guess.
Nick: Your vibe is not anywheres, I'm not detecting anything in your vibe around you pushing him away. In fact, I think it's the opposite. When we're vulnerable and when we're sharing with them, things like our neediness and stuff like that, it actually has the opposite effect where they love us even more and they want to support us even more. Here's a question for you. Can you feel a feeling that this is too good to be true?
Courtney: I do. I do sometimes. I do feel just like the luckiest girl in the world, like this, I hope, I want it to last, I want this to be forever. I do have a fear of losing. It's like something so good that you just, or you do get scared to- inaudible.
Nick: And with all of this past contrast that you've experienced and all these toxic relationships and all of these things that you've overcome, do you see how that's transformed you into the beautiful person that you are today?
Courtney: I do know. I know that on a deeper level, I know that- inaudible.
Nick: And do you see how much of a positive impact it's had on your vibration?
Courtney: I do. I know, yeah. So I know it's like, this one fear feels like it's taking over so much, but maybe in reality, it's really 1% of my vibration, but because of how I'm experiencing, it feels like this is dominant. My whole aura is just neediness, but really it's like 1% on this one topic. So hopefully overall, my energy's better than I think.
Nick: And it is. And we want you to see that. I have no doubt that you've gotten through most of your dominant struggles. They've helped you refine your vibration to a place where you have now attracted the relationship that you've been looking for, for so long, which sounds to me like that's exactly what it is.
Courtney: Yeah. And that is how I feel. When things are all going well on my good days, I'm so optimistic and excited and just, it's like this beautiful, bright future, but then it's just these feelings from the past coming up in me, it's like this cloud and I just want this cloud to dissipate.
Nick: And that feeling that he might leave me, is it still a nine?
Courtney: No, no, I don't know-.
Nick: What number would you give it now?
Courtney: Maybe a four.
Nick: Good. So we've dropped it quite a bit now then.
Nick: And I still feel like he might leave me because?
Courtney: Not really, but I guess just if I can't turn this around, if I can't get out of this, I'm scared, I don't know, will I be able to shift this? I guess, if this persists.
Nick: Yeah. So we just shifted, he might leave me from nine down to a four. So with every belief you shift, every perspective you change, you're manifesting a brand new reality.
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah, I believe that. I've seen that.
Nick: So right now you're making those shifts as we are talking in this very moment. So that unsafe feeling, is it still a 10?
Courtney: No, it's probably about a four now too, four now.
Courtney: Four now. So, which I guess brings me to a second question. So once I've done clearing work before, but then only to have where I think I've cleared something and then it feels like it comes back up.
Courtney: So, what do you recommend for, I guess maintenance work? When you think you clear something and then you notice it, you're still feeling it.
Nick: Yeah. So the reason something comes back is an understanding how emotions and fears really work. So the way emotions work, and fears is the same way, is you cannot have an emotion or a fear without an underlying perspective. So if you've got a belief that you're not good enough, or an emotion of not good enough that keeps resurfacing, it's because there's an underlying belief that I'm not good enough because dad said so, or I'm not good enough because I haven't earned a million dollars in my business, or I'm not good enough because X, Y, Z.
So if you're feeling this not good enough feeling, and maybe the most dominant of those perspectives is, I'm not good enough because dad said so. Once you identify that perspective and you invalidate that perspective, then you might stop feeling that feeling of not good enough in those moments. Now, because there's two other underlying perspectives or beliefs, then it'll likely resurface when those beliefs become reactivated again. And an example of it being reactivated is with your relationship where for the first year you were okay, and all of a sudden things are talking about getting more serious. And then it reactivated this older fear of commitment. So when you have an emotion that keeps resurfacing, it's just because there's another underlying perspective that needs to be looked at and dealt with. And once you've dealt with all of the underlying perspectives, then that fear will, or that emotion will basically leave you alone and stop surfacing.
Courtney: And maybe it's a collection of perspectives. It's like a few different things.
Nick: Exactly, or sometimes it can be layered. So somebody with depression, for example, might have sadness at the surface. And then under the sadness, it might be anger, under the anger, it might be powerlessness. And under the powerlessness, it might be a belief that it's not safe to let the sadness go. So in order to let the sadness go at the surface, you have to work down through those layers of beliefs to that root belief. And once you let that root belief go, all of the things on top of it dissolve and go away. And that's why we call it the belief tree process, because it's like you work down these trees of perspectives that layer on top of each other. And once you get all those branches taken care of, then you feel so much lighter and these negative emotions aren;t hampering your experience anymore.
Courtney: Yeah. And that makes so much sense, what you say about we're scared to let it go. I was actually in one of my counselor Facebook groups, one of the clinicians was talking about people get so, the depression becomes so familiar that it's like an old friend, it's a part of you. So, it's interesting to think of my anxiety it's been with me for so long, that what if there's this fear, who would I be without it?
Nick: Absolutely. And I've seen people when I did one-on-one work, I've seen people clear lifelong anxiety, literally in 60 minutes, just by identifying the one core belief that was anchoring it into place.
Nick: So for you, with your fears around relationships, you might have one, two or three perspectives, you might have six, seven or eight perspectives around relationships being unsafe. And once you can identify and shift your way out of one to three, or maybe a few more, these fears will permanently go away.
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. I think the big one for me right now is that I'm disposable, that just one wrong move, one- inaudible.
Nick: Perfect. And I'm disposable, let's play with that. I feel that way because?
Courtney: Because who would want me in that state? Who would want someone who-.
Nick: But remember, attraction isn't about who you are. Attraction is about vibrational compatibility. So with my partner, Anick, I don't care if she wants to do channeling, I don't care if she wants to be a coach. I don't care if she wants to go work at Starbucks and be a coffee person. I couldn't care less what she chooses to do. I love her because of that connection, because we're vibrationally compatible. And I bet that your partner feels the same way about you, where he's in love with the essence of who you are, not who you're choosing to be. Does that make sense?
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. And I guess so you're saying, and just me having this temporary neediness about this one topic isn't necessarily going to change my whole essence.
Nick: No. And you're exploring the neediness, so that's something that can shift. So the neediness might relate to an insecurity. So the neediness might be you needing to be comforted and reassured by him, because this fear is coming up that you're disposable. And once you get rid of this false belief that you're disposable, the fear should go away and then maybe the neediness goes away too.
Courtney: Yeah. And I do feel better, we've had probably three or four conversations about this particular topic. It's surrounding having other female friends and it's nothing to be worried about, but it has triggered my, I'm not enough, I'm disposable type of thing. And every time we've talked and he'll give me reassurance and then I feel better, but then I go home on my own and then the thoughts start coming again. And then I come back to him and I feel so bad, I'm putting this on him. So I want to just resolve it myself so that I'm just confident.
Nick: And that comes back to probably those past toxic relationships where trust was an issue.
Courtney: Mm-hmm. Right.
Nick: So what you need to recognize and realize is that you are absolutely not that same person you used to be back then. And the fact that this relationship feels so different than it used to back then is because you are a different person, a different vibration who has attracted something completely different.
Courtney: Yeah. That makes sense.
Nick: Makes sense?
Courtney: It's just knowing it in my, grounding it in my being, I guess.
Nick: Yeah. And the way you do that is by eliminating the things that prevent you from grounding it into your beingness, which is these perspectives. So it's about invalidating these perspectives. So have you seen other relationships where the other person can be trusted? So have you seen relationships were that insecurity is irrelevant?
Nick: Awesome. So if other people can manifest that type of relationship, isn't that evidence that you can too?
Nick: Totally. And is it possible that you are in one of those relationships right now?
Courtney: Yes, I know I am, the logical part of me, or deep in my heart, I know that I am.
Nick: Good. So can you just sit into that feeling, that awareness, I know I'm in one of those relationships.
Courtney: Yeah. It feels inaudible.
Nick: And all of those past relationships are completely irrelevant to this one, because I am a completely different person at a different vibration. Would you agree that you feel more worthy than you used to back then?
Nick: Would you agree that you feel more good enough than you used to back then?
Courtney: Yes, definitely.
Nick: Awesome. So, your relationship is a reflection of those changes you made about yourself about those perspectives around yourself
Courtney: Yeah. I think just not being so consumed by the one shadow part, the one wrinkle in my vibration, I'm blowing it out of proportion. And nobody's perfect.
Nick: Does it feel like it's unsafe to let that fear go?
Courtney: It doesn't feel unsafe, but it feels like will I, I don't know, will I be in denial about the reality of what could happen? People don't last for forever? I don't know, this almost, I don't know. Is it gullible to let it go? Maybe.
Nick: Okay. So, people don't last forever. Have you seen other relationships that have lasted what we're calling forever?
Courtney: Yes. Yes. There's couples and you see them, they've been together and they're in their eighties and nineties, so it's possible, I know it's possible. And I know that's what I want.
Nick: Awesome. And that feeling of doubt that it's not possible for me, does that exist?
Courtney: Maybe a little bit of skepticism or just, I guess, I don't know, the word gullible is coming up of just-.
Nick: And is it possible, it's the fear of being surprised? The fear of being taken by surprise? Because there's something there. I can't quite pinpoint what it is yet.
Courtney: Yeah. It's the too good to be true feeling coming back to that is this-.
Courtney: Do I really get this happy ending? Do I really get this-.
Nick: And why not? Why couldn't I get this happy ending? Why couldn't this be my happy ending?
Courtney: I think it could. And it's just fear, it's my lower self, my ego self trying to just keep me safe of, well, don't get too happy. Don't get too... But I think it could.
Nick: So, part of you is waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Courtney: Mm-hmm. That ego, just that wounded little girl part of me.
Nick: Yeah. And it's not safe to relax into the relationship because if I do?
Courtney: Because then it'll hurt even more.
Nick: Okay. And that old hurt feeling, how strong is it?
Courtney: It's not bad right now at this second. Right now it's maybe a three, just because I feel so good from the other work we just did, but when it would come up, it's intense.
Nick: And my guess is that hurt feeling is really what's at the root of all of this. So after we're done this call, that's what you want to focus on, is that hurt feeling, because what you're really afraid of is not the breakup itself, or the potential of the breakup, but the hurt that goes along with it.
Courtney: Yes, that I couldn't handle it. Yes.
Nick: Exactly. And once you let that hurt feeling go, which again is just an emotion that you're carrying even though it's extremely unpleasant. Once you release that, then that's what anchors that fear in place. And once you release that old hurt feeling, then this will have so little power over you.
Courtney: Yeah. You're right. It's the fear of loss, it is. I do have a great fear of loss and I have the little image of this. There's a wounded little girl inside. And so, I guess from your, what you're saying is like, that's that fear of hurt. I just feel like there's pain so great that I couldn't handle it. And in the past, I couldn't, in the past, I overdosed, in the past, I did life threatening things when I was in my teen and twenties, I was very obsessive. My life literally would be in jeopardy over a breakup. So it's just from my history though. Yeah. So that hurt feeling inside, how do I heal that?
Nick: Yeah. So, I would say it's about working. So it sounds like you're very supported by your current partner, which is amazing. And what I would do is work with one of your coworkers or your facilitators, or talk to one of my facilitators, work with somebody who's got the tools, like the belief tree process that can help you work through that hurt feeling. But again, I think we've pinpointed exactly where you need to go. That's not somewheres where I want to go on one of these calls, but understand that it's not part of you, it's just a hurt that you're carrying and with the right process, you can absolutely let that stuff go.
Courtney: Awesome. And that feels totally true. And that's, in my own journaling time, that's what I've come to too, is deep inside there's this hurt, there's this little girl who's just hurting and is so scared and is clinging to something. And that's, yeah, that's exactly what it is. I think you got to the core of it.
Nick: And it's such a common thing, because a lot of people have been hurt in various ways, in their reality, whether it be physical or emotional, and most people aren't aware of how these hurt feelings and other emotions hold us back, because the fears are anchored by these emotions. And when we give ourselves permission to turn around and look at them and process them and release them, we feel so much better. And it creates such positive ripple effects in our physical reality circumstances. So I'm so happy to see how self-reflective you are and that you do counseling work, and then you've got a network that you can hopefully tune into to help work through this once and for all.
Courtney: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you. I feel like we've pinpointed it. So now I know my next steps, working on releasing and healing that little, that hurt thing, that ball of something hurt that's in there that's so terrified to lose whatever, or lose the love.
Nick: Totally. And I love that you've got such a supporting partner that you can talk about this with as well.
Courtney: Yeah, definitely. Awesome.
Nick: Awesome. We got a little bit more time. Any other questions you want to dive into?
Courtney: Let me think. I guess, the other aspect that I was, originally actually, I was going to talk about my business and just being confident. So maybe any general pointers on just being more confident, because here's a relationship, but at all areas I could use improvement. So, how to be more confident when going for your dreams.
Nick: Yeah. And this comes back to the same thing, even though it feels like it's a completely different topic. The lack of confidence in your business relates to probably the same underlying root cause of lack of confidence in all the aspects of your life, relationships, et cetera. And again, what we do is we go back to that same belief tree process and understanding that, that lack of confidence feeling is just there because of a perspective. So if you want to just look at it really quickly, if you say that lack of confidence feeling for my business, I feel that way because? What pops in your head?
Courtney: Yes. So, the two biggest things. So I'm an in-person therapist right now, but I want to do online coaching for women. It's my lack of tech knowledge.
Courtney: And then I'm very insecure about how I ramble sometimes. So I just, I talk too much.
Nick: So, I think you're doing great. So lack of technology. So you found your way onto this call with me.
Courtney: I did. And I've never used this platform before.
Nick: Perfect. And you've used Zoom before, because you're in the collective, or you're in the collective, you've been on those calls before. Right?
Nick: Awesome. So to me that's more than enough technology to be able to do sessions with people online. Would you agree with that?
Courtney: Yes. Yes. I think it's like the website and-.
Nick: So taking care of-.
Courtney: ... things like that, building it, then my mind just piles it all on top. It's like a website and email marketing. It's just all these new things I know nothing about.
Nick: Would you agree that there might be coaches online who don't do any of that stuff and are still successful?
Courtney: Yes. I've heard that before. Yes.
Nick: And would you agree that your intuition and your inner guidance from a place of alignment can lead you in the right direction to maybe lead you to the right courses, or books, or trainings for all of that stuff?
Courtney: Yes. Yes. That's my goal, is having the business be so aligned and following, letting my inner being guide, which takes more of the pressure off me is like, I just, that's how I want to do it, is the way that you teach with following impulses. Just the next thing. What's the next fun, exciting thing? That feels good.
Nick: If you ask me all of the stuff that you've overcome in your past is way more difficult and way more challenging than figuring out a bunch of tech stuff. And if you've overcome all that and gotten to where you are in your life today, the tech stuff is a breeze. Would you agree with that?
Courtney: That is a good point. Yes. I'm making such a big-.
Nick: Awesome. So, how-.
Courtney: ... because all my current challenges are just so small compared to what I have overcome. That's a really good point.
Nick: Awesome. And how does your confidence feel now? A little bit different?
Courtney: Yeah. With the tech, because you're right, I've been able to figure things out. So then my last little piece is that, I have trouble, I know I have a coaching program inside of me, but things don't come out of my mouth the way that it feels and things sound clunky. And like I said, I ramble. So I guess just this trust of flow, how do I trust the flow that things will come out in divine timing? And I want to have what's coming out match the way that I'm thinking inside.
Nick: It's literally by just letting it flow and recording it with no attachment to what it needs to look like, no attachment to outcome. And then once you record it and do it, you can look at it and you can go, yeah, that's good enough. I'm going to put that out there, or you can be like, you know what? I think I couldn't improve this part, I'm going to go record it again. And if it takes you five takes, if it takes you 10 takes, doesn't matter, because with every take you do, you're learning and you're improving. One of my favorite quotes is that if you're not allowing yourself to fail, you're not allowing yourself to succeed, because it's in the failed attempts that you're going to be refining what you're doing, learning what you need to learn, and getting a step closer to where you really want to be.
Courtney: And yeah, it's weird. It's like the stage fright. I'm actually at the point, I hired a coach. I started working on my course and now I'm recording the materials and I hit this wall of, oh, I think the word you said was attachment. So being attached to it being perfect. It needs to be okay for me to maybe ramble at times, or maybe go off topic.
Nick: And again, that belief that it needs to be perfect comes back to that same underlying emotion of insecurity, which is the same one that impacts relationships and everything else. What you need to practice in the affirmation you could use in the mornings is understanding that you are perfect just the way you are. It's not what you do that makes you perfect. It's not the way you dress that makes you perfect. It's not whether or not you make the perfect coffee for your husband that makes you perfect. It's you literally just allowing yourself to be the authentic you, and that's the version of you that you came here to be, that's all you need to do.
Courtney: Yeah. And I love that.
Nick: You are everything that you need to be.
Courtney: Yeah, that resonates so much.
Nick: Everybody is exactly who they need to be to achieve what it is that they're here to achieve, and that includes their desires, and that includes the unfolding down their path of least resistance. Think about it, source and your inner being would create a human Courtney because source is unconditionally loving and infinitely intelligent. They would not create a version of you that is incapable, or unable to achieve the desires and the end result they want to achieve in their reality. The only thing that can stop us is ourselves by holding ourselves back.
Courtney: Yeah. I believe that. It's like taking action in spite of that fear.
Nick: Yeah. And taking action from that aligned place. So getting up in the morning, getting to a place where you feel good and being like, you know what? I'm going to shoot a bunch of videos. Maybe I suck with videos. Maybe the video's going to be upside down. I don't know, but I'm just going to shoot them anyways and then we'll go from there.
Courtney: Yep. It's kind of having fun with the process, making it lighter. It all doesn't have to be so serious and heavy.
Nick: That is the absolute key to success in anything that you do, the more fun that you're having, the better things you're going to turn out.
Courtney: Yeah. Great. Well, thank you. I think that inaudible-.
Nick: Awesome. Any final-.
Courtney: ... comprehensive. Just, I appreciate the work that you do and you've been an inspiration to me and just the way my thinking has changed so much already. So it's just good to do this work and get a place to start from. So I appreciate your work.
Nick: Yeah. And you're absolutely on the right track. You're looking at all the right things. Sounds to me like your relationship is going amazingly well. And I always assume that it's just going to get better. Keep up the good work you're doing. You're doing a fantastic job.
Courtney: Thank you. Thank you so much, Nick.
Nick: Thank you. You're welcome. It's been my pleasure and thank you for being here. And that concludes today's episode of change your reality. If you'd like to be a guest on the show, or join our membership program, you can find all the details on the website at Nickbreau.com. Bye for now.